WHEW! This whole process is such a whilrwind to say the least. Didn't update about my 3rd month on the crazy pills. So here goes...they took my prescription down to 75mg from the 100mg that almost hyperstimulated my ovaries. I did ovulate on the 75mg but still didn't get pregnant. It's just a bummer. The hormonal/emotional roller coaster was getting to be a bit much for me so I opted to take a month off from the crazy pills. For 2 reasons: 1 - to let my hormones regulate and 2 - to let the lining of my uterus build back up (and maybe 3 - to try to lose the 6 lbs I had gained from the crazy pills...yay hormones) Fact: one of the side effects of clomid is the possibility of the lining of your uterus thinning. Which could potentially prevent pregnancy in and of itself because if there is thin lining and an embryo is created it has nothing to attach itself to. Fun, right?! So the month I didn't take the pills was glorious :) I in fact DID ovulate on my own (which I had read could happen because the drug is technically still in your system) however Josh was out of town on business during "O" time. Salt. In. The. Wound. Anyway, that month was a wash, but obviously I knew I wouldn't be pregnant so when the bitch arrived that month it was nothing out of the ordinary. So...here we are. I called my OB to discuss possible alternatives to clomid/where to go from here and he suggested I come in and talk. I'm glad I did that because we came up with a good gameplan. Basically he wants to start over. Pretend as if I've never been pregnant (as relates to my body) and do all appropriate testing to make sure Josh and I are both fertile and "ok." He said he's not giving me any more drugs until he knows we are both "normal." So he took some (ok a LOT) of blood and ran all sorts of tests on me. I had already had the procedure done to check for polyps/fibroids in my uterus and have had other blood work done throughout the last year so that leaves 2 things. Josh has to get tested and I have to do an HSG/FemVue where they insert a catheter and blow bubbles into my cervix and watch them go through my fallopian tubes to make sure they're open. Um, ouch. I have a friend who had this done and she almost passed out and I've googled (again, my best friend, google) and everyone talks about how painful it is. I'm wondering if I should take a Xanax, overdose on Advil or potentially both ;) then once Josh gets tested, and I have my FemVue (which is happening on monday...took the day off work...joy :)) we will have covered all of our basis and we can then decide what the next course of action is. He asked how I feel about this plan and I was very honest and told him I'm SO glad we are checking everything. If for nothing else, to put my mind at ease. I can live with "it just hasn't happened (again) yet" but I can't continue to wonder if everything is ok. Now we will know. I told him I'm completely neurotic and just knowing will relax me and maybe things can happen naturally? Ha! We shall see.
I started laughing the other day because I was thinking about all of the precautions that I used to take to NOT get pregnant and the normal every day precautions people take...had I known it would be such a pain in the ass maybe I wouldn't have worried so much ;)
Anyway...onto the next. We are very ready to take the next step, no matter what it is. I've done a lot of reading about people's marriages falling apart because of infertility issues. That was a legitimate fear of mine for a while because there's NO doubt about it, it is incredibly stressful. Then I took a step back and looked at our marriage and saw that we are actually stronger now than we ever have been. Going through something TOGETHER is bringing us closer and the fact that we both have the same goal in mind and are not willing to accept failure is actually pretty awesome. The other day Josh said to me, "I hope it is me." I asked why and he said, "Because then it's not you." That right there is why we work. Nobody is blaming the other person. This is nobody's fault. It is what it is and we will figure it out together :)
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