one other thing for today

In my IVF blog stalking I came across a page showing what can improve implantation and the chances of getting pregnant...and one of those things was laughing a lot on the day of transfer (when they shoot those embryos up your vag) and they often use Medical Clowns.  Let me tell you something...if a damn clown came into my room after transfer I would probably scare the bejesus right out of my baby embroys and they would fall on the floor.  Do not send me medical clowns.  I hate clowns.  I hate them.  That is all :)

while we wait

I still google IVF blogs like it's my job :) I probably shouldn't do that because most of them are of people's failed IVF attempts.  I'm considering it "prep work."  Not that I think our IVF cycles will fail...I'm of the younger age group to have to be going through IVF in the first place, and I'm a healthy person.  Odds are in my favor (if you don't count that pesky autoimmune issue that keeps eating my babies).  So I came across this blog.  It's hysterical.  A woman that tried for 3 years to get pregnant naturally.  Nada.  They had 3 failed IUI attempts.  Nada.  (In case you were wondering, that's why we chose to not do IUI...the odds of it working are not great so screw that right in its lame ass).  2 failed IVF attempts, and then a successful 3rd IVF attempt.  This bitch is funny.  And I like that.  I've done a lot of reading of people's "how to be considerate of an infertile's feelings" and I find a lot of them to be pretty annoying.  Like, yes, the situation MORE than blows, but it doesn't HAVE to be a serious issue about everything.  Remind me I said that in about 2 months when I'm hopped up on more drugs than Steven Tyler.  Anyhoo, she has a whole section on fertility etiquette and it's awesome.  I'm going to interject my own thoughts on hers also :)

Infertility Etiquette (to send to others)

I’ve seen quite a few articles on what to say or not say to someone who is dealing with infertility. After reading many of them, I’m stunned at some of the things that were left off of the list and frankly, I disagreed with some that were on the list.

On the surface, because I’m me and can’t help but make jokes about it, my list would consist of things like:

• All movies and TV shows must have a PG label: Warning storyline contains numerous pregnancy related topics.

• Strollers should have bell so we know when they are coming and can turn the corner.

• People addicted to crack should not be allowed to have their seventh child (I can't agree with this one more.  There is NOTHING more irritating than the crack whore knocked up again and don't even get me STARTED on 16 and pregnant...wrap it up, skank)

• The word Duggar shall never be uttered in our presence. (AGREE)

• Never make a pity face when you talk to me.

• Save the sonogram photos — don't post them in public (this one I don't agree with.  I recognize that someone having a baby is a very exciting time for them and they are allowed to be as happy and excited as they want)

• Understand if you're pregnant and I don't talk to you for awhile, it's nothing personal, I just hate your uterus.

However, that list is more for my fellow infertile women who can relate to my situation. In terms of what one can send to the outside world, I’ve composed my own version of what the etiquette should be when a fertile person is dealing with an infertile person. Please feel free to cut and paste it, edit it to fit your needs and send it to whomever you like. :)
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First and foremost, I know that whenever any of my friends or family tries to offer their words of wisdom of my struggles with fertility, they have my best interest at heart. I also know that everyone, no matter who they are, is trying to be helpful. (yes I, too, recognize this :))

Dealing with infertility is a very sensitive issue. Your emotions can range from feeling like a failure, to worrying about the future, to being optimistic, to feeling hopeless. Also, quite often when you are friends with someone who is fertility challenged, on any given day, they could be worried about money and insurance bills, or they could even be in the process of a fertility treatment where emotions and hormones are running high. You just never know.

Therefore, since many of you might not be aware of what can be unintentionally hurtful when dealing with infertility, I have put together the below list to help out:

• Please no anecdotes and no advice. Trust me. If you’re struggling with infertility, you’ve heard every anecdote you can hear; we know what so-and-so did with cough syrup or how what’s-her-face adopted and then got pregnant. We need to focus on ourselves and our own situation and ultimately, we have doctors to best advise us on our specific situation. (preach, sister)

• Please don’t suggest using donor sperm or donor eggs. (or in my case suggesting a surrogate...yeah I had that happen like 2 weeks ago..."wouldn't it be safer to have so and so carry for you" - um probably, but I'd like to try first, thanks) I’ve heard more stories than I can count of my fellow infertile women being asked if they want to use their brother-in-law’s sperm or their sister’s eggs. What’s amazing to me is people make these suggestions even before the couple in question has exhausted all their options. Until it’s determined that that is even a factor, the only person who should be offering a woman sperm is her husband.

• Please don’t suggest adoption or even giving up. Again, I’ve been shocked how many times people have asked me about adopting even before we did our first infertility treatment. Adoption is an option, but it’s one that is something for most couples down the road. The same goes for suggesting that they let go of trying to have kids. That’s a big decision, and many seem to suggest it way too early. In the end, both adoption and deciding not to have children is between the couple having fertility issues and their doctor. End of story.

• Please don’t suggest a reason why this is happening. (PLEASE DON'T) Whether you think it’s God’s will or fate or that there’s some reason the universe has decided an infertile couple should have these issues, kindly keep it to yourself. Trying to apply logic to an inexplicable or illogical situation is simply not helpful. I personally have been dealing with this long enough to know that some couples get lucky, and some don’t. Even the most religious infertile couples will tell you that sometimes things happen when you’re going through this journey that don’t make sense. You just have to do your best and accept the outcome. Plus, when someone struggles with infertility, they often blame themselves. (I bolded and underlined that) You trying to provide a reason as to why it might or might not be their fault, only makes it worse.

• If you have children or are pregnant, please don’t talk about the downside. (unless you want to get punched in the face.  Telling me how "stressful and crazy parenthood is and to be glad I don't have to deal with it yet makes me hate you...fair warning) I know you’re trying to be comforting, but this can be the equivalent of telling a blind person they are lucky because you have to spend so much money on your eyeglasses.

• Please DON’T acknowledge Mother’s Day/Father’s Day. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be very difficult for those who desperately want to be a parent but aren’t yet. Some recommend that you send someone struggling with infertility a card or somehow include them on the day’s events.(no...don't do that...) I personally disagree. Although the gesture is sincerely appreciated, to me, it just highlights the situation. I would much rather focus on MY mom and how much I love her more than I would care to focus on how I'm still NOT a mom. I would just be respectful that it’s a tough holiday. (I disagree with this one in a few ways.  If she's saying to not acknowledge mother's day to me as in telling me Happy Mother's Day because I've been pregnant before...yeah that's not cool (and I've had that happen) but Mother's day is awesome.  I love celebrating my mom and have no problem celebrating other mom's out there.  That is their day and they should be celebrated - but truth is, it does hurt)

• Please don’t mention celebrities who went through infertility. They have money and advantages that most don’t. They can adopt, do as many IVF cycles as they want, hire a surrogate or even rent a child if they so choose! The point is, whether they struggled with infertility or not, their situation is different from many women. Fertility treatments are very expensive, so telling someone all about how a celebrity got pregnant on her 20th IVF when most can barely afford the fertility medication isn’t wise. (I can leave or take this one...doesn't really bother me...not like the crack whore with her 8th kid)

• If you find out you're pregnant or you find out a mutual friend or relative is, please put it in an email and be sensitive about it. To be clear, it’s not that people who have fertility issues are incapable of being happy for those who are fertile. It’s more that they themselves feel like a failure. It’s one of those cases when you’re “happy for them but sad for me." An email will give the person dealing with infertility a moment to deal with their feelings privately. (and will also allow me to genuinely be happy for you and express that to you...when I get there ;))

• Even if someone who is struggling with infertility confides in you about their issue, please don’t ask them about it constantly. Some days, it’s harder to talk about infertility than others so it’s best to let the person pick their moments to discuss how they are feeling. (this one I completely disagree with.  but I think that's just my personality.  There are select people that know everything we've been through and I generally have no problem talking about it.  I know people are curious, and talking about it helps me)

• Understand that there are some events that are difficult - baby showers being at the top of the list. Again, it’s nothing personal toward you. You never know where an infertile woman is either emotionally, psychologically or physically. Imagine finding out your IVF failed, and then the very next day going to a baby shower where they talk about pregnancy the whole time. Sometimes, the timing is off and the person just needs to protect their own feelings. (I agree that it's tough, but a person's baby shower is THEIR time.  Like, don't come up to me and ask "how I'm handling it" because I'll kill you, and if the timing is bad, yes it would be hard, but that doesn't change that it's a celebration for the mom-to-be.  My feelings can be bottled up until I get home and have a nervous breakdown...wait, what?  And truth be told, if it's a close friend of mine, I have no problem being just as happy for them as they would be for me...it's probably the other people on Devil'sBook that I secretly hate)

Here are a few key phrases that are good to say:

• I’m sorry you’re going through this.

• I can’t imagine how you must feel.

• Hang in there.

• I’m here for you.

• I’m thinking of you.

• Please let me know if you want to talk.

In general, the key is to be supportive. That’s one thing people struggling with infertility do for each other. If you post on a fertility-related chat board that you’re down, you get an endless amount of support. If you post that you’re about to start hormone shots, everyone will wish you luck. No one makes judgments or tries to make it all better: We just support and encourage each other, and that really is the most helpful thing a person can do.

 

I just thought this was interesting and would share.  People are probably sick of me talking about infertility etiquette, but oh well! 

in the meantime

baby making on hold...hawaii on the brain!  Which, btw, my therapist is like so happy that we are having this vacation before starting IVF.  Us too.  And she was like, you flippin deserve a good vacation.  It made me super uncomfortable when she said "deserve" becauseI totally have issues with deserving things ;) need. more. therapy.! haha!  Anyhoo, we started the South Beach Diet and holy moly!  The first 5 days were pretty rough.  I thought I was going to kill someone or myself because I just wanted a damn carb!  Now, though, I feel so amazing.  I realize that I've really broken my addiction to food.  Not just carbs, but to food.  Food is not happiness.  Food is not love.  Food is not comfort.  Food is nourishment.  End of story.  This is how food used to appear to me...you know, when I was 15 lbs lighter and never touched a carb.  Oopsie!  Well we started the SBD and I feel AMAZING now.  It's funny bc I went from vegan to meat and veggies.  Perhaps I lose weight fast bc I completely change what I eat and my body freaks out.  I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I care! As of this morning I'm down 10 lbs!  WHAT WHAT!!!  Hawaii bod here I come!!!! Plus, eating lean protein, veggies, nuts and eggs can't be bad for you right?!  We can start introducing some fruits back next week.  So that's fun and exciting :)

Also.........this past weekend our fridge died.  Sad day.  Josh tried lots of things to fix it and nada.  I'm surprised we didn't get dysentery because we didn't realize things weren't as cold as they should be until a few days after.  But that being said, apparently President's Day is the day you want to have to buy new appliances because everything is on sale.  Hell yes.  We decided to go ahead and get the fridge we have wanted for a while...it's a 4-door french door fridge and it is GLORIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!  They delivered it yesterday and I have inappropriately sexual feelings toward my refrigerator.  It is massive and gorgeous.  That's what she said. 

 

Yes, that's a panoramic shot of my fridge because it's so large!

 

That is my veggie drawer!!

 

 

And that's my freezer!! (with an entire drawer dedicated to frozen fish food.  they're taking over my life)

 

I had no idea new appliances could make me so happy!

 

 

 

hot yoga - not for p%&*ies

I don't think there's any experience in life that could have prepared me for the 90 min hot yoga class I took last night.  So you hear that it's hot in there.  And you just don't know HOW HOT until you're in there.  2 summers of drum corps...in Texas...in the middle of July...rehearsing for 12 hours...on the blacktop...and I still don't think I sweat as much as I did last night.  It was shocking.  And disgusting.  I was sweating from places that I didn't even know you could sweat from.  I'm confident my sinuses were sweating.  Just saying.  They say to wear little bike shorts and a sports bra.  I'm thinking to myself, yeah right!  Who does that??  And then there's that awkward moment when everyone is wearing small shorts and a sports bra and you're in small shorts and a workout top and you feel like you're wearing a sauna suit.  I mean, holy balls I've never sweat that much in my life.  I've got sweat pouring into my eyes, and at one point when we were getting ready to go into cobra I wiped my face on my towel and realized that I had smeared my mascara all over my face (so that's why they tell you to wash your face beforehand) and I looked like a raccoon.  Couldn't care...it at least wiped some of the sweat from my brow.  I mean, man oh man was it hot in there. 

So, some of the things they don't tell you before you "try out" hot yoga...you will get other people's sweat on you.  um...ga-ross.  It was like 5 minutes into class and the guy next to me was sweating so much that some flew off of his elbow onto my arm.  Are you freaking kidding me??  Ew.  Also, along with someone else's sweat you will get hair stuck to your arm...or leg...or chest...or forehead...or heel...or knee...or anywhere because you are sweating the same amount ALL over your body.  Next thing they don't tell you...while you're trying to master bow pose, that your hands could possible slip off your ankles and you will flail like a dead fish to the ground.  Oopsie.  The other thing (which I probably could have mentioned first) is how god-awful the room smells.  I mean, of course it does.  30 people sweating their balls off in a room at 105 degrees...bound to smell...and it did. 

Hot yoga is not for the weak.  Or the germaphobic. 

With that being said, I can't freaking wait to go back!  The euphoria that you feel after you're done is unreal.  It's like you're high.  And you're happy.  And you just burned 600 calories.  And that is awesome.  The things I will do differently next time...I will wear less clothing.  Sports bra and bike shorts for this chick.  I will wash my face beforehand to avoid the raccoon look again.  I will mentally prepare myself a bit better.  I really don't think you can mentally prepare for your first class.  But now that I know what to expect I can.  I will focus more on the poses rather than when class will be done or how hot I am.  Hot yoga has got to be like 80% mental.  I will focus more on not moving in between poses.  And I will rock out Triangle pose and camel like I did last night!!!  I was pretty freaking proud of myself about those two!!  I've been saying all day that I wish we were going back tonight!

Things are looking up!

I think it's being determined that 2013 actually IS the year of the Cohens!  So far so good!  First things first, today is our 4 year anniversary.  It was this time 4 years ago that my bridesmaids and I were at the Crowne Plaza getting dolled up, my flowers came and were not cute and my mother in law made Josh go yell at the florist (ha!), we had sushi delivered (by the request of Sus and Nicole to Josh) and I was wearing a tank top in February!  The weather was amazing.  Pretty sure it was almost 70 degrees that day.  The day was perfect.  I was unusually calm.  I think people thought I was going to dart because I was oddly calm.  Nope! Walked down the aisle crying the entire way (those pics are really great...).  Rick sang beautifully...everyone cried again.  The ceremony was candle-lit and gorgeous and then we had one hell of a party! Good times!!!  Unfortunately Josh is never home on our anniversary.  I don't even know how we ended up getting married on this day because every job he's ever had has their annual sales meeting over this week!  How we didn't put that together I"ll never know, but that was the one year his sales meeting had been moved to the week after so we thought it was a great idea.  haha!  Silly kids :) Here are basically the only two wedding pictures I like...the photography was something that I wish we had done differently, but at least we have pics!

 

 

I love him :) My friend, Danielle, suggested I should alter my wedding dress into a little white dress and wear on a fancy date or something.  I LOVE that idea!  I would love even more if I could alter it and wear it for a vow renewal!  We might do that for our 5 year anniversary, actually.  Take an awesome vacation and renew.

 

Speaking of awesome vacations....maybe we won't do that next year because THIS year (in 2 months actually) we are going to HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Josh is basically awesome at everything he does...including his job.  Again, they are at their national sales meeting, and they had their awards ceremony on Tuesday night and first he texted me that he won Rookie of the Year!  How awesome is THAT?!  That means he outperformed everyone that has been in the company for 3 or less years.  SO proud of him!!  I knew he was really excited about it too!  That's a huge honor!  We knew the recipients of the Hawaii trip were being announced that night too so he was texting me "it's getting ready to happen!"  "are you awake awaiting the news??" and then there was at least a 10 minute delay!  I was DYING!  Katie (one of Josh's co-worker's wives who I'm basically obsessed with) and I were texting "have you heard yet?!?!" "I need to know if I need to get my tanning membership!!" and then I got the text "Maui baby Maui!  I did it!  I take you to Hawaii!!"  I about passed out!  It was so awesome!  He was so proud of himself and was so excited to be able to take me to Hawaii.  He's a keeper, I tell ya! So Katie's husband also was in the circle of excellence (the top 10% of their company - that's who gets the big trips) so they're going and so is the rest of Josh's team!  We are super excited to vacation with Katie and Braden because they are just like us.  Josh and Braden are so close to the same person it's shocking and Katie and I both really like to lay by the pool!  This is going to rock!  I'm very much looking forward to Josh getting home (mainly because I miss him) so we can discuss all the details of the trip and I can start planning my wardrobe!  DUH!