The best vacation of our lives

This trip to Hawaii was unreal.  I mean, absolutely amazing.  We did and saw things that really are once in a lifetime opportunities.  I jumped off a freaking waterfall!  Well, Josh did too, but he wasn't nearly as scared as I was! That was during our rain forest and waterfall hike.  That was pretty bad ass.  I definitely didn't think I was going to be jumping off waterfalls that day.  I actually jumped off 2.  Go me! We saw a mama and baby whale next to our boat on the way back from snorkeling in the most amazing site ever and then we saw mama whale breach twice so close to us!  It was truly unbelievable.  And loud! Everyone on the boat just stood there with our jaws on the floor.  That thing was MASSIVE.  I have pics of all of this but I'll post a picture post next week when I get them all uploaded.  The snorkeling was at Molokini, which is this half moon looking island that is SO clear and there are thousands of fish and so much coral.  Josh was in heaven. We were the last ones to get back on the boat and they had to call out to us that it was time.  heh!  Josh would point at one and then come to the top and be like, "Did you see that rainbow banded trigger???" I'm like, "uh, the purple one?  Yeah totally saw that!"  He was geeking out over the fish...but hey, that's his thing.  Whenever we saw one that is the same kind of fish we own I was like, "did you see that gigantic Eugene??" Well, because I've named all our fish old people names, and he would laugh at me. All in all that experience was so cool.  We had a luau with his company that was fun and they catered dinner at this place called Sugarman's Estate on our first night and the food was RIDICULOUS.  I mean...so freaking good.  Also, Steven Tyler had just purchased the house next door to Sugarman's so I was totally hoping to see him, but he wasn't there.  That's probably for the best, as I would have made a scene and embarrassed Josh in front of his co-workers. ;)

  We also decided to take the road to Hana.  I'm SO glad we did it.  It took quite a bit of convincing Josh to do it because he wasn't really interested in spending a day of his vacation in a car BUT I won and we took the trip.  We got a jeep wrangler and opened the top (which was how I convinced the boys to go...however this has completely backfired on me because now Josh wants a wrangler and will NOT stop talking about it...oy!) But let me tell you about this trip.  It was so cool.  I would so have regretted it if we hadn't done it.  We saw black sand beaches, walked through lava tubes, stood in the middle of the ocean on hardened lava, ate a chili cheese dog on the way (per the guidance of our "road to Hana" CD - it was delicious) saw AMAZING waterfalls (also saw one from the top which was really cool) drove through Hana (if you blink you'll miss it) and then instead of taking the road back down we kept going and drove the back side of Maui back to the resort.  That was Josh's favorite part.  We were legit off-roading on skinny roads with nothing in between the car and the gigantic cliff leading to death by pacific ocean.  It was scary as hell and Josh was giggling like a little girl in pink panties the whole time.  Probably because he was driving so he knew he was in control...while the rest of us (me and the Curran's...we practically did the entire vacation together :)) were clenching our butt cheeks. The views were incredible.  Different from the road to Hana.  Not green and lush like the irrigated side, but rocky and there was this one area that looked like the grand canyon.  We were all like, "Whoooooooaaa!!"  It was just so cool.  Did I mention I'm so glad we did it?!

The day after Hana was when everyone else left, but we switched resorts for 2 days.  So glad we did that!  I was not ready to come back.  What was super cool was that we decided to rent snorkel gear from our resort and check out the beach right there.  Um...there were 4 gigantic sea turtles right on the lava bed like 2 feet from the shore.  There was a sea turtle roughly 24 inches from my face at one point.  I can't tell a lie...when that thing looked at me in the face I freaked and grabbed Josh's leg and swam as fast as I could backward.  I mean, sure they're docile and all...until they're not.  That bitch could head butt me or flap his goofy flipper and knock me out!  What?  I'm a complete scaredy cat...it's fine.

The trip was a once in a lifetime trip and I'm so glad we got the opportunity.  Maui FTW!

here's what IVF looks like

Before it all gets injected into my ass here's what my BOX OF MEDS looks like.  Hey, only 3 grand for this...

 

And we even got our very own biohazard waste bucket!  Josh is definitely going to feel like a Dr. while administering my daily shots ;)

 

we are a go

Alright, after a decently stressful week full of tough decisions to be made, we have made a large one.  We are going ahead with IVF when we get back from Hawaii (which we leave ONE WEEK from today!)  So, we met with Dr. P on Tuesday and he was very clear that he wanted to discuss the Sjogren's with my rheumy to talk about the specific drugs needed to keep my immune system at bay/if we needed to still do the steroid and intrallipid along with the Planquenil, which is the anti-malaria drug that is used to treat Sjogren's.  Dr. P said his main concern was heart block for the baby.  As was ours.  Obviously he's not going to put us in a situation that would be bad.  I do trust him.  He's not interested in using me as research.  He really does want to get us our baby.  I got a call from my Rheum on Tuesday afternoon (dr P wasted no time calling him!  I appreciate that) and he said that after talking with Dr. P, they discussed what each of their plans are, Dr. P to  get us the baby, Dr. F (Rheum) for keeping me healthy, and they agreed to start me on the Plaquenil ASAP as it takes a few weeks to really start working.  I was waiting to hear from Dr. P as to what research he had done and if IVF was in our best interest.  We ended up emailing on Friday and here's what transpired: I asked about the risk of heart block, etc and he said, "Less than 1-2% and you only have one marker.  So, I really don't think the risk is going to be much.  And, we are taking precautions, so I think it would be quite low.  If the baby's heart beat is found to be slow, then you get started on a steroid.  You would be followed along by a high risk OB, but I don't think you should have big problems. Dr. P"  Of course there's no guarantee...hence why the doc talk of "I think" and "I don't think" is all over that.  Now, I had mentioned before my concern about taking all these drugs while pregnant.  I told Dr P. that in our consult.  And he was very honest with me.  He said, "I totally hear that and understand.  I'm not trying to disregard your concern but you have nothing to be worried about.  The drugs you would take would be completely safe." Ok.  I mean, at some point I need to relinquish control and trust.  I guess...

Truthfully, I feel good about this decision now.  Call me Ms. Cleo, but I just knew there was something else going on under there and now that we know and are taking precautions against it I feel so much better.  I will be considered high risk...which I would have been anyway because of the 4 miscarriages...but now with Sjogren's they're going to take me seriously ;)  I'm not sure if Dr. M is a high risk OB and if I can't see him I'll be sad, but obviously the OB I feel comfortable with right now isn't the priority, seeing an OB that deals with high risk cases all the time is.  I can build a relationship with anyone...I don't do "acquaintances" :)

The other thing that's good about being diagnosed before starting IVF is that often times women get diagnosed after delivery (either because baby has heart block or because they literally can't get out of bed afterward due to joint pain, etc) and they have a really terrible time shortly after delivering, but I'm ahead of the game, as I started the Plaquenil so that should keep those symptoms at bay.

In lighter news, the Plaquenil hasn't made me sick at all.  It can often cause severe nausea and other stomach complications but I feel really great actually.  It's funny, (as per my first post, my nose and sinuses are ALWAYS dry.  Like, painfully dry. When I went to visit Nicole in Denver I could barely bathe because my skin and hair was so dry and I was putting Vaseline up my nose like it was my job) the other day at work I was sitting at my desk and I sniffled and wiped my nose and I was astounded because my nose was running!  Guess these pills are gonna do their thing...now to clear up my skin shit...any day now ;)

So, we leave a week from today and are going to have a kick ass time.  Lots of relaxing and enjoying ourselves and come back and get this show on the road!  I'm actually excited now!

hi ho, hi ho, back to the doc we go

I got the blood results back on the specific antibodies of the Sjogren's Syndrome and I carry ss-b antigen.  Now, per some of my research I discovered that ss-a is the one that can cause heart failure in le bebe or infantile lupus.  I was all Good New Kids!  Then I saw that that may not be true. The interwebs are a scary place, folks.  In the words of my Jo, I'm an excellent amateur physician.  Truer words have never been spoken.  So, don't know what the story is and am waiting to talk to Dr. P to see what he has to say.  We have our appointment today at 12:40.  Guess we'll know something today.  Who wants to make a bet that the words "we need to do some more testing" will happen?!?!  ce qui sera sera