a journey ahead...

So...I'm wanting to keep a journal tracking my clomid successes/failures (as I had said before) so I have updates.  Month one I took 50mg clomid.  It made me completely insane.  Not even joking.  I felt totally out of control of my emotions (poor Josh) and there was NOTHING I could do about it.  Well turns out it didn't work.  I didn't ovulate.  I went cray cray for nothing.  I was seriously bummed out, and to be honest a little afraid of what was to come because I knew they were going to bump up my dosage.  Sure enough, they said they're bumping me up to 100mg.  I was really unsure of how I was going to react to DOUBLE dosage of the crazy pills so I did some online research.  Duh...google is my best friend.  I had read that some women took it at night and that really helped with mood swings, etc.  So I followed suit.  I took the crazy pills at night on the 2nd cycle.  It DEFINITELY helped in the fact that it didn't make me crazy at all.  Josh actually said they made me nicer this time around :) but the hot flashes were something else!  I had heard my menopausal mother talk about hot flashes and now I can sympathize!  They're no joke.  I woke up every night in a pool of my own sweat...hot.  So then began the waiting game.  All was fine and well until about day 16 when I woke up in SEVERE pain.  I haven't felt pain like that in a LONG time.  It felt like my ovaries were going to explode and my entire abdomen hurt.  I honestly was more scared than anything.  I called the doc and told him what was up and he said I needed to go get ultrasounded to make sure my ovaries hadn't been hyperstimulated (greeeeat...).  So the next day I go get ultrasounded and turns out I had cysts rupture which caused the pain but ALSO I had released TWO eggs!  yippeee!  I was so excited.  The nurse called with my bloodwork results a few days later and sure enough, my hormone level was high.  So...yay, I'm ovulating!  Can't get pregnant without an egg, so at the very least, the pain was worth it because things are working.  I'm not pregnant this cycle, even though I released both eggs, so I was pretty bummed (and by pretty bummed I mean let the depression sink in...let me say I think it's jacked up that you find out you're not pregnant AND start your period on the same day. With the added element of the mega hormones from the crazy pills.   Talk about hormonal overload...) but truth be told we can only say for sure that this was our "first" month trying in knowing that I had ovulated.  So...onto the next month.........