as if I wasn't terrified enough

I am a google junkie.  I would shoot the information I get from google straight into my vein and regurgitate it to anyone that asked if I could.  I google...everything.  Some people think I'm smart, but in all actuality, I just research EVERYTHING. I know which Tristan Prettyman song is in response to which Jason Mraz song, I know how to change the headlight in my Jeep, I know basically every statistic there is on getting pregnant, I know how to spell Pterodactyl, I know proper clothing etiquette for the seasons (which I'm about to break bc I want to wear a post-Easter outfit pre-Easter darnit!) and I now know the possibilities of carrying a baby when you have Sjogren's syndrome and that the antibodies can penetrate the placenta and dry out your amniotic fluid and suffocate the baby or that the baby carried by a woman with Sjogren's can sometimes have congenital heart failure. The internet can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Damn you/Thank you google! I also know there is a program in Georgia for surrogacy.  Because I'm actually insane and research everything to the nth degree before ever making a decision.  It's part of my charm right?  RIGHT?  Oh, no?  Yeah, I'm just insane.

Meeting with Dr. P next week to see what he has to say.  I was already on the fence about all the drugs, mainly the steroids that I might have to continue throughout a pregnancy if my NKC's are still high, being ok for baby.  Now, if I have to take more drugs, I'm not ok with this.  It's as if the baby is going to be fighting just to steer clear of my crazy immune system from the get-go.  Josh is all, "I'm sure Dr. P will have something to do" and, as much as I am interested in hearing what he has to say, it's his JOB to "fix things."  He's a doctor.  I'm sure there's a "fix" for this problem too, but we need to really look at if these fixes are healthy for a teeny embryo to be undergoing.  Sure, there's a possibility that everything would be fine and I wouldn't have to take the extra drugs, but there's also the possibility that it wouldn't be fine and I would have to take lots of drugs.  Seems a little selfish to me to put a little baby through the ringer (and potentially harming them) just so I "can experience being pregnant."  Can we say surrogate?  Say it together now...Surr-o-gate