squeedleedee!

Got the call from the nurse at my RE's office this morning.  All test results and scans are in and Dr. P has had a chance to look over them and it's time to get together and discuss treatment plans.  HELL YES!!  I have no idea how the appointment will go.  No idea what will be thrown at us, but I'll have some f**king answers and for that I am elated!  I'm also nervous.  Not about the information we will get but nervous about if he says that the only option is IVF or adoption.  As I have said, I have no attachment to actually birthing a child, but I know that Josh has an attachment to having a child of his own.  I can't blame him for that.  I know there are a lot of people out there that want children of their "own" (yes, I know that by adopting they will be our children, but you know what I mean...having the same genetic makeup). So, I need to be open to the IVF process, if that's what is thrown at us.  Hell, they could say, everything is fine...you just have really bad luck! Who knows!

 I've been against the thought of IVF this whole time, but I realize I need to be open to it.  I also need some facts.  I want to compare the cost of IVF, noting that multiple cycles may be needed, and the success rates per cycle vs the entire cost of adoption.  The last thing I'm interested in is spending $30K (plus interest, because we don't just have thousands of dollars lying around...) and not having a baby at the end of it. On the flip side of that we could do IVF and end up with 2 for one which I am A-OK with!  BOGO and then I never have to go through this again.  So, as I've said for a year now, we will have some answers soon. 

On another note, I started seeing a therapist.  A LOT has surfaced lately and I needed to be able to just let loose.  With my dad being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, my infertility, now probably staying at my job that I'm not fond of, and the stresses of every day life I needed an outlet.  I really like her.  I felt really comfortable and my god it was SO nice to have someone say to me, "wow, that's a lot to deal with."  Just having someone to really GET that I'm struggling with some things was therapy in and of itself.  Maybe that's part of it. Just being heard.  I've never seen a therapist before, but I'm into it so far.  I go back next week, and this time I'll be able to talk about the results I get from Dr. P so that should be good. 

I was talking to her about all the shit going on and she said, well, you're married?  I said yes, and she said, "how's that going?" and I said, "that's the only part that seems to be working right now!"  I liked being able to say that :)  It's nice to end on a good note! I'll update Friday!